My mind is racing and confusion swirls all around my brain.
I am lost and alone, stuck in the prison of my eating disorder.
I will never get out of this.
My mind controls me,
And I have no say in the direction I go in.
Before I know it,
I’m just back there.
I thought I said good bye,
For good.
Apparently not cause you returned.
Again.
I feel like I’ve given all I’ve got,
Fought with all my streangth.
I thought I killed you,
And you were dead.
But you you are alive as can be.
Manipulating me and yelling in my face.
My heart is broken cracked and bleeding,
And I’m so exsuasted.
I feel like my soul is ruined.
I have no future.
I am done.
I feel so misunderstood and alone.
I completely broke down.
I cried so hard,
Did not know I owned so many tears.
Pain screaming from deep in me.
And I can’t stop,
The tears just keep pouring,
Soaking my pillow.
Don’t know how long it how long it takes till it stops but,
Finally my tears dry up,
And all is left is me shaking in terror.
I go to sleep,
Can’t deal with the intensity of my emotions.
The Night ends.
The sun rises.
It’s a new day,
New chance.
To go back on the battle field.
And keep fighting.
I don’t even know why I am continuing.
All I want to do is give up and relapse.
But I wont.
No matter how many times I fall,
I get up.
After all I have been through,
I won’t let anything stop me.
Nothing will get in my way of creating my new beginning.
I will fight for my freedom.
And I will take it all back.
My health, happiness, and the key to unlock my prison.
I will say goodbye to you.
Even though we said goodbye 100 times.
And if you come back,
I will say it again.
You are dying down,
and I will keep choosing life.
The sun peeks through the cracks of my prison cell,
But I trust that I will embrace the sunlight soon.