A LETTER TO MYSELF:
Sometimes I feel that I just can’t go on. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would notice if I disappeared from the world. Sometimes I wonder if I even have friends. Sometimes I feel that everyone is against me. And yes, there are times when I feel painfully alone. I fake my smiles throughout the day. I force my laughs to be polite. I get out of bed every morning even when all I want to do is hide under my pillows. I pretend to be positive even when all I see and feel is darkness. When I look in the mirror I don’t recognize myself. You tell me I look beautiful even when I feel like trash. You remind me of the person I used to be and make me feel guilty for not being perfect. I hurt so many people in my life. I did so much bad. Perhaps I am not worthy of living. I feel I bring more harm to the world than good. I see no hope for the future for me.
But no! Although I do not feel good about myself, and wished I could disappear I know that I am not alone. I know even when all I see is pitch black HaShem is by my side. Even though I do not know why I am in so much pain, HaShem does, and I trust in Him completely and I understand that this is all for the good. This is just one chapter of my life. I can try to focus on the light and see the positive in everything. Even though at times it feels impossible, and I feel like giving up, I can’t. I know I am so much more than what my mind allows me to believe. One day with HaShem’s help I will accept myself for who I am with open arms. And one day I will tell myself “ I love you” and I will believe it.
Love, me