Dear eating disorder,
We have been through a lot together ever since I met you five years a ago. As we got to know each other better, you became my best friend. You freed me of the pain, the trauma, and the scars. You locked me tight and froze my emotions until I felt empty and free of pain. You hurt me a lot with your insults, but I embraced them because doing what you said made me feel powerful. I was alone in the dark castle but in hunger I was queen. Purging took all the agony out of my broken heart and tortured soul. It made me feel hollow, but it took away my pain.
But now I am healing and I am learning that the Band-Aids you provided were hiding infected wounds. I am learning you are not my best friend, but my worst enemy. I am learning to care for my infected wounds by feeling the pain and excepting it. Instead of embracing your hurtful comments and engaging in your behaviors, I am seeing I am bigger than my emotions and that its okay to feel them. I want to cut ties with you, send you away, and never see you again but something in me does not want you to go. I am afraid to be alone without you at my side. But I know I have it in me to recover. I wish it would not take so long and you can just leave me alone.
Battling you have taught me so much lessons. I am strong, brave, and so much more resilient than my fears. You have taught me to be caring and kind to myself and to others. One day I will be the queen of my actions, my actions, behaviors, and thoughts. I will be free. I am giving you up and sending you away with me as the winner. Your goals to destroy me and teach me I am worthless have been in vain. Although I hate you for all the pain you have put me through but I also thank you because I would never be the girl I am today without you.