I Rest in You

I rest my tired head in my hands & try to block out the voices of pain

The pain that continuously floods my mind as the memories resurface yet again 

The flashbacks that threaten to overtake my very existence of the present 

The intensity of my feelings that consume me & steal the little bit that’s left of me

It engulfs within me a storm of emotions so heartbreaking, I can not bear

I rest my tired head on my pillow and yet again, try

to block out the pain

The pain that feels so excruciating & suffocating, as I twist & turn to find some reprieve 

The memories, the painful events of the past that flood my mind & my heart simply breaks

I can not take it much longer 

I am not getting stronger 

It’s almost impossible to keep up the fight

Try as I might 

I try to venture outdoors & hope the fresh air, the warmth of the bright sun can alleviate some of the hurt & shame

The shame that constantly follows me as my life, I attempt to regain 

My life of the bygone summer

When my dignity I could not retain 

My very being stripped to pieces with no end in sight 

Betrayal so piercing 

Shooting arrows so unbearable 

People cruel & inhumane 

Such duality, literally insane 

I rest my weary shoulders upon you, my dearest & mericful Father above

My Creator who is filled with so much compassionate care & bountiful love  

You’ve seen & heard it all

You’ve been there with me every step of the way

You’ve held my hand securely, assuring I don’t slip or fall astray

You meant well & although, I still struggle to believe 

Your emissaries were sent to deceive

You clearly saw & heard me

The very best you only wanted for me

Ultimately, I’m learning that it was all part of the master plan 

A plan that there’s yet reason to be

Tailor cut, specially for me

Perhaps one day your Divine chesbon (picture), I will merit to see

Until then I rest my tired head 

The deep pain, blame & shame 

So much hurt, guilt & regret…

I could fill an entire book yet

That follows me to no end

I throw myself straight into your loving & welcoming  arms

Your warm & reassuring, tight embrace 

Wipe the many tears cascading down my face

Clutch my broken heart, allowing some of the painful memories to gradually depart

To dissipate & leave room for a learning & life experience gain 

Surrender my past, present & future

To the One who knows & holds it all

For there is nothing as whole as a broken heart! 

I Rest in Peace 

Knowing my Creator, my loving Father- Hashem is always with me

It was all meant to be.

I can heal…

I place my faith in you

Whatever you do

Has been perfectly designed for me

I rest my case…finally! 

I am free to be.