I am stuck in a burning furnace of shame.
My eyes are leaking tears and my heart is slamming against my chest.
I work hard. I ascend great heights. I think things will be okay. I feel like I am starting to heal.
And then I fall from my high place, and crash to the ground. My heart shatters into a million pieces. I wonder if I will ever be whole again. But then I get up. Tell myself this is part of the battle. It’s okay to fall. Your mindset is recovery. So pick yourself up and put the pieces of your heart back together again.
I go on. Keep fighting. Battling my demons. Making healthy choices for my body, mind, and happiness. I feel okay again. I know I will heal.
But then I fall another time. Fall really low. Crash on the ground again. But this time it’s more agonizing then the last. I am broken again. My body aches. My head screams. My heart shatters into a million pieces. Why should I keep trying if every time I get up I fall again?
Each time harder and more painful then the last.
I feel I will never be okay.
Never ever.
Next day:
But here I am.
It’s a new day and I am choosing recovery.
Eating my meals and doing the work.
I ask myself, why?
Life has brought me down and showed me the things I never wanted to see.
I have pain and I have scars but
Every time I fall and got back up,
I put myself back together stronger then before.
My heart is beating.
I am breathing.
I picked myself up.
I will go on.
I will be brave.
I will be strong.
I will be okay.
Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow
But I have faith the day will come.