The voices in my head are screaming,
As pace the prison I am locked into.
I want nothing more than to get out of
the deep dark cell I am chained in.
I am freezing
I am all alone.
My chest squeezes so tight,
I can bearly breath.
I don’t know what to do with my pain.
My pain that runs so deep.
I have no words to discribe the raw agony inside me.
Confusion swirls around my brain.
I have questions about my sanity.
What is happening to me?
Where am I?
What am I doing?
I feel lost
And uncared for,
Hated and
Left to fend for myself.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I hate myself so much.
I want to admit I need help,
But just the thought of that is so terrifying.
But I can be brave and say it.
I am really struggling now.
And I need your support now.
Choosing recovery, and the pain hits me in the face.
This is the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.
To battle my own brain.
And then every day making that decision a million times.
Experiencing my emotions again is petrifying.
I can almost drown in the intensity of it.
But I am brave,
And getting stronger every day, with every good choice I make.
My personality emerges and I stopped isolating myself,
Learning that I am actually liked by my peers, and that I can go out and have fun.
I laugh out loud.
I smile a smile that lights up my eyes.
I feel lighter,
I feel free.
But it’s so so hard,
And requires so much effort.
But it is work that is worth it.
And when it gets hard and I find myself sliping back to old behaviors,
I need to remind myself that it’s normal and ok.
I will come back stronger than before.
Every pebble, stone, and rock I move is paving my way to the top of the mountion of recovery.
It’s a process,
And change takes time.
But I believe I can recover,
Watch me and I will.