Her teeth chatter with anxiety as she takes a small cup from the shelf. She pulls the knob of the slurpee machine and slushy coke pours into her cup in a thick stream. She covers her cup and sticks a straw inside with shaky hands. It rocks back and forth and falls to the ground with a soundless thud. She picks up the straw and places it carefully back in the cup. She brings the straw to her lips in slow motion, and that’s when the monster rears its ugly head. What are you thinking? You won’t drink that! It’s poison! It’s not worth drinking it, just throw the whole thing out… She abruptly slams her cup on the counter and heaves a sigh filled with sorrow. The familiar sensation of burning behind her eyes takes its course and hot tears of anger and frustration slip down her flushed cheeks and escape into the corners of her mouth. The salty taste of tears mirrors her bitter life. “I CAN’T!” Her cries are heart splitting and full of despair. “Why do I have to suffer like this?” She continues to sob loudly. While staring blankly at the poison in her cup, letting the tears fall inside like a broken faucet. All the pain and anguish that was once bottled up is now erupting like a volcano. She regains her composure and once again brings the straw to her dried lips with her eyes squeezed shut. I am stronger than you, she seethes at the monster. By now her anxiety is skyrocketing and her whole body is tense, beads of sweat sprinkling her face like freckles. She is a fighter. She can do anything. Sucking the straw, she allows the fizzy liquid to sit on her tongue. I can do this, She whispers softly with watery eyes. And she sips. Slowly. Very slowly but surely. Until it’s done. She places the empty cup on the counter and the monster once again rears its ugly head. Feelings of guilt and shame stuff their way inside her half empty stomach, leaving her to rot all alone in her misery. The claws of anorexia begin to tighten their grip. Only her will to fight and survive will loosen the claws and let her find her innermost piece.
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