Recovery is hard. Changing the way you have been doing things for a long time, is hard. Stopping what has been the center of your life, is hard. Battling you body and mind, is hard. On my hardest days when I just want to call it quits, scream I can’t(!), and stop fighting, I need to remind myself why I am choosing recovery. When I lose all motivation to continue, I think of this.
Life is waiting for me outside my comfort zone. I just need to try by absolute best. I try to imagine a day when I can eat and enjoy my food, and be okay with that. Just get up and get on with my day. Not have to listen to the monster telling me that I did not deserve to eat, that I’m ugly and worthless. I can look in the mirror and see the beautiful girl I am, created perfectly for the mission I need to accomplish in life. I will be happy. I will be free. I will understand I am so much more than my body. There is so much I can accomplish. And this fighting I am doing right now, even though right now it feels like it is swallowing me alive, this will give me the tools to go far in life. To understand when life challenges me, I can overcome it. To get there I need to recover from my eating disorder. I can no longer allow food and body image to control my life. I will keep fighting, and keep choosing recovery. Although it is so painful and difficult choice to make, that’s okay. Because it will be well worth it in the long run.